It's Guys Night
An exploration of big boy nation
Jake Tapper, Van Jones, Anderson Cooper, Morning Joe, Rachel Maddow, and a collection of other news hosts have been brought before The Committee of Fat Italian American Children and found guilty of crimes against the revolution. “Mama Mia! To the lamppost with you already!” The committee cries. The news hosts are marched off and stoned to death with Costco Double Chunk Chocolate Cookies and Chicken Bakes. It takes several days. By the end, the news hosts pray for death.
The rapid rotting of traditional media and simultaneous necrotization of any unified idea of “the truth” is happening right now before our eyes. Hey, maybe it’s already happened. Who’s to say? I’m just some guy losing my mind over here.
But wait a second, you say, the bite of hoagie you just took falling from your mouth. The news is still on. I see clips all the time of Kaitlin Collins bothering the big fat president, and Van Jones still goes on Bill Maher to workshop his standup jokes about the neo-holocaust.
Those clips and the content machines that produce them are ghosts who do not yet know they are dead. But don’t put that hoagie down in sadness, friend. Because though they can die, like matter, content machines cannot be destroyed. They simply warp and twist to fit better the society in which they operate. Gaining new fuel from the unique psychic energy produced by that society. Unfortunately for us, our psyche is that of a teenaged boy.
Our society is obsessed with young men, and not just ones of the fat italian-american variety. Like an overbearing mother, the terminally-ill media insists on badgering us with questions about all of our big special boys. How do we win the young male vote? Why don’t young men read fiction? Why are young men so lonely? Why aren’t young men dating? Why are young men undereducated? Why are young men underemployed?1
That’s not to say these aren’t problems. Disaffected young men do exist, and we should probably figure out why a lot of them like to be nazis. Yet, the concern we have with young men, in this moment, is like a snake eating its own tail, or like a hoagie with a mouth biting its own butt. Because while young men seem to have less opportunity due to a certain vampiric system we’re all forced to live under, they are, simultaneously, at the forefront of culture, piloting massive content machines.
For instance, America’s favorite fat italian-american child, The Rizzler, has, at the time of this writing, 1.5 million followers on Instagram, he is in ad campaigns for the NFL, and goes on adult podcasts. His friend, the fatter but arguably less italian-american, Big Justice, has over 500k. MDFoodieBoyz, a podcast hosted by four teenaged boys has fewer followers (242k) but has been parodied on SNL, showing that The Boy Influencer has, like a jewel wasp, implanted itself into the brain of the dying cockroach that is traditional media.
Yes, the virus of The Boy Influencer has spread to other content machines. And of course The Rizzler, Big Justice, the MD Foodie Boyz, these are not serious figures in any sense. They are, in fact, children. But they are also figures birthed from our collective psyche. Avatars of a dichotomy between young male disaffection and young men owning culture. They force the traditional content machines, like the Jim Fallon’s of the world, to bend the knee. And they fuel emerging content machines, like podcasts and twitch streams. And the groveling fealty of the Theo Vons and Jim Fallons to these avatars of young male dissatisfaction feeds the maggots emerging from the burst belly of dead media.
More and more it seems that the nodes of our collective consciousness’ lymphatic system are content machines driven, not just by teenaged and pre-teen boys, but by men who are spiritually so. These new content machines, piloted by spiritual teenagers, are often used as vehicles for those who seek to, or occupy, positions of power within the greatest dread empire the world has ever known.2
Take Logan Paul for example. While not a teenaged boy, he is functionally one, given the fact that his brain is pudding. And yet he pilots a content machine so powerful that the famous italian-american pervert, Andrew Cuomo, thought it beneficial to go onto Logan Paul’s podcast and ramble for over an hour.
There’s Andrew Schultz, who opened the first episode of his podcast after the 2024 election with this:
“What’s up everybody? Welcome to the most powerful podcast on the fucking planet. Put some respect on our names. We getting dictators elected. We getting communists elected. Whoever the fuck we want.”
Andrew Schultz has the brain power and humor of a teenaged boy. Yet, for whatever reason,3 he’s decided politics is where he should focus his energy, even though, personally, I’d rather watch a chimpanzee interview a politician over Andrew Schultz. At least the chimp would do something useful, like rip the politician’s face off.
Shane Gillis’ frat-boy schtick surely plays well to the young male crowd. And while Shane Gillis seems to be more intelligent and less political than Paul or Schultz, he still rubs up against the MAGA milieu, going along to get along for the check, you know, just an affable former jock who will surely one day clutch his pearls because geewillakers I didn’t know that’s why the chimneys were spewing smoke.
And of course, there’s Joe Rogan, the original imbecile and ideal example of someone being used to weaponize young male dissatisfaction. He has the humor of a little boy, Joe Rogan, yet wields the power of a massive content machine which has been used by billionaires and politicians to lie launder their images.
We could go on and on listing examples of massive content machines piloted by adult teenagers being used to nefarious ends. But the below image says it all. The Nelk Boys, YouTube pranksters4, interviewing genocidal maniac Benjamin Netanyahu. Two spiritual teenagers using their content machine to do what exactly? To humanize the inhuman.
And where does this all lead? Well, to the top of course. Even the president of the United States is a mean little boy. He loves big trucks (vroom vroom anyone?), wants to eat McDonald’s for every meal, thinks poop is funny. Yes, the man who represents that aforementioned dread empire, one that has and continues to kill millions, is, effectively, a 14 year old little shit.
It’s truly a mean little boys world. We’re all just living in it.
The Rizzler, Donald Trump, Tony Cash, Joe Rogan, Andrew Schultz, Nelk Boys, Benjamin Netanyahu, Jim Fallon, Theo Von, JD Vance, Big Justice, Logan Paul, Andrew Cuomo.
When you list it out, it all seems very schizophrenic, doesn’t it? And it is. That’s because these content machines are related in a schizophrenic way. They buzz around, bump up against and feed off one another. Their drawing of fuel from our societal psyche is what is helping to facilitate our society’s psychotic break. The Rizzler feeds off our fascination with young men, Theo Von feeds off The Rizzler, Donald Trump feeds off Theo Von.
And all these loosely related content machines, they all hum together to paint a picture of reality. That stinking corpse of traditional media, you know, the one in the corner there, it’s been cast aside because the truth no longer matters. All that matters is feeling, rage, psychosis. And that, in a way, is the truth of where we’re at as a society, one that is run by manic little boys.
Yes, it all make you feel very insane. Yes, it’s all very schizophrenic. But that’s just how things go down when it’s guys night.
probs cause they’re undereducated
perhaps even the universe, depending on how you swing
because it gets views
perhaps the worst breed of content machine out there, the youtube prank guy